The weirdest thing happened to me today. Daddy took me for a ride in my new rolling crate. I told him to go to the dog park, but he took me to...the vet! That bastard is really testing me. Anyway. It's still kind of fuzzy, and I don't remember the details but one minute someone is petting me the next thing I know they freaking jab me with something and I fall asleep. When I wake up they shaved my belly, cut me, and said that the chipped me. What the hell does chipping mean? Don't these humans know what a potato chip is for? It's for eating! Daddy said they took my "Youterrorist" out. I don't know what a youterrorist is but I want mine back. He's probably mad at me for humping his arm last night. When he falls asleep tonight I'm going to shave his eyebrows and take his youterrorist. Just you watch!
The furry oaf also informed me that some of you are unhappy with my output of work. Listen to me human, I have a very busy life of licking myself, watching TV, and making some one clean up my poop for me to be writing all the time. Any more backtalk will force me to hijack a bus and come to where you live so that I can poop in your bed!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Yesterday my human minions took me to some sort of primitive pagan celebration. I'm not quite sure what the purpose was but I think it had something to do with worshiping meat. They spent all day cooking animal carcasses in a metal crate of fire, and then sat around mesmerized by huge colorful explosions. My human Joe's father, Billy, spent all day pulling leaves out of a large puddle that I heard one of them call a pool. My favorite part is when Billy gave me ribs. I loved them so much. I think I may have blacked out for a little bit. Next thing I know they were pulling me to the otherside of the yard and calling me Akuma-Inu, or devil dog! It's not my fault that ribs are so tasty that I have to try and kill any other dog that tries to take them from me. I was succesful in teaching the other dog Reilly something. Everything that she has is MINE!
Friday, July 3, 2009
I think that my Human pet named Joe, may have lost his job. He's been sitting on my couch and watching my television for four days straight! On Monday I made him take me to the dog park all day so that I could see Tetsu and Tikaani. Tuesday was the silly class they make me go to ( I only go for the cheese). Wednesday I licked my first human baby. It tasted like chicken. Yesterday he just sat on the couch and played video games all day. He kept trying to pet me! He even brushed my teeth. UGGGHHH. If he doesn't leave today I'll be forced to kill him in his sleep tonight. There's no other way.