Saturday, May 30, 2009

Allow myself to introduce myself.

Greetings my loyal human subjects,

My name is Katsu Tonkatsu, you may also address me as Niji's Victorious Panko Porkchop, Your Royal Highness, or Brat. I'm not quite sure what the last one means, but since the humans I've chosen call me it constantly it has to mean something good. My people insist that I call them "Mommy" and "Daddy" and I've decided to indulge their silly two legged whims. They are good for somethings after all. For example my lack of opposable thumbs makes it impossible to open the large metal structure that holds this wonderful substance they call "Cheez". Daddy says it comes from cows, which is wrong obviously. Only another Shiba, with superior intellect like myself could have invented such a heavenly food.

I'm currently four and a half months old. My people tell me the world has existed for billions and billions of years before I came, I find this hard to believe since it's obvious that everything revolves around me. Therefore if I'm the center of the universe, there was obviously no universe before me. Simple logic. My humans tend to disagree as they're constantly "smooshin" me (their word not mine). I can't tell you how many times I've been minding my own bussiness trying to move things with the power of my mind when one of those hairless oafs comes and picks me up. They proceed to scratch me all over and demand that I lick their smelly faces. The indignity!
I've been thinking of ways in which to end their pitiful existences but I find that I can't bring myself to actually do it. For all their shortcomings they do have their good points. Their taste for example, the Male's... I'm sorry... Daddy...Yes you hairless idiot...Yes I'm calling you daddy....No I don't' want to go "potty" whatever the hell that means...Seriously I'm busy!...Cheez? Did you say Cheez? Well I supose I could...

Until next time. Daddy is demanding I sit before he'll give me any cheez. Why do I have to sit? I should be given Cheez because I simply exsist.

Katsu Tonkatsu
Super Genius