It's A Porkchop Life

2010-03-05T23:30:00.002-05:00

I R Tanuki. I R Katsu's new brother. I M taking ober blog. I R.... Sorry about that hoomans. If you hadn't already guessed my hairless oaf servants bought me a new toy. They've named him Tanuki Bunbuku Chagama, it's japanese for Fatass Log who eats to Much. I'd also like to apoligize for my absence. My stoopid hoomans took away my computer access. Who knew they would get so touchy about me buying 5,000 dollars worth of bully stick s on ebay would upset them. Anyway I have to run, my ass is feeling a bit dry and I think I'm going to my Tanuki lick it for me.

Superior Intellect

Katsu Tonkatsu

The weirdest thing happened to me today....

2009-07-24T17:03:00.003-04:00

The weirdest thing happened to me today. Daddy took me for a ride in my new rolling crate. I told him to go to the dog park, but he took me to...the vet! That bastard is really testing me. Anyway. It's still kind of fuzzy, and I don't remember the details but one minute someone is petting me the next thing I know they freaking jab me with something and I fall asleep. When I wake up they shaved my belly, cut me, and said that the chipped me. What the hell does chipping mean? Don't these humans know what a potato chip is for? It's for eating! Daddy said they took my "Youterrorist" out. I don't know what a youterrorist is but I want mine back. He's probably mad at me for humping his arm last night. When he falls asleep tonight I'm going to shave his eyebrows and take his youterrorist. Just you watch!
The furry oaf also informed me that some of you are unhappy with my output of work. Listen to me human, I have a very busy life of licking myself, watching TV, and making some one clean up my poop for me to be writing all the time. Any more backtalk will force me to hijack a bus and come to where you live so that I can poop in your bed!

Superior Intellect

Katsu Tonkatsu

Give me back my rib!

2009-07-05T08:27:00.002-04:00

Yesterday my human minions took me to some sort of primitive pagan celebration. I'm not quite sure what the purpose was but I think it had something to do with worshiping meat. They spent all day cooking animal carcasses in a metal crate of fire, and then sat around mesmerized by huge colorful explosions. My human Joe's father, Billy, spent all day pulling leaves out of a large puddle that I heard one of them call a pool. My favorite part is when Billy gave me ribs. I loved them so much. I think I may have blacked out for a little bit. Next thing I know they were pulling me to the otherside of the yard and calling me Akuma-Inu, or devil dog! It's not my fault that ribs are so tasty that I have to try and kill any other dog that tries to take them from me. I was succesful in teaching the other dog Reilly something. Everything that she has is MINE!

When will this furless oaf leave....

2009-07-03T08:30:00.003-04:00

I think that my Human pet named Joe, may have lost his job. He's been sitting on my couch and watching my television for four days straight! On Monday I made him take me to the dog park all day so that I could see Tetsu and Tikaani. Tuesday was the silly class they make me go to ( I only go for the cheese). Wednesday I licked my first human baby. It tasted like chicken. Yesterday he just sat on the couch and played video games all day. He kept trying to pet me! He even brushed my teeth. UGGGHHH. If he doesn't leave today I'll be forced to kill him in his sleep tonight. There's no other way.

Superior Intellect,

Katsu Tonkatsu

A haiku to CHEEZ

2009-06-01T18:54:00.004-04:00

Cheez, a sweet lover...
Tortures endured for a taste...
Dressed up like a pig!

My thoughts on life and human babies....

Allow myself to introduce myself.

2009-05-30T07:34:00.001-04:00

Greetings my loyal human subjects,

My name is Katsu Tonkatsu, you may also address me as Niji's Victorious Panko Porkchop, Your Royal Highness, or Brat. I'm not quite sure what the last one means, but since the humans I've chosen call me it constantly it has to mean something good. My people insist that I call them "Mommy" and "Daddy" and I've decided to indulge their silly two legged whims. They are good for somethings after all. For example my lack of opposable thumbs makes it impossible to open the large metal structure that holds this wonderful substance they call "Cheez". Daddy says it comes from cows, which is wrong obviously. Only another Shiba, with superior intellect like myself could have invented such a heavenly food.

I'm currently four and a half months old. My people tell me the world has existed for billions and billions of years before I came, I find this hard to believe since it's obvious that everything revolves around me. Therefore if I'm the center of the universe, there was obviously no universe before me. Simple logic. My humans tend to disagree as they're constantly "smooshin" me (their word not mine). I can't tell you how many times I've been minding my own bussiness trying to move things with the power of my mind when one of those hairless oafs comes and picks me up. They proceed to scratch me all over and demand that I lick their smelly faces. The indignity!
I've been thinking of ways in which to end their pitiful existences but I find that I can't bring myself to actually do it. For all their shortcomings they do have their good points. Their taste for example, the Male's... I'm sorry... Daddy...Yes you hairless idiot...Yes I'm calling you daddy....No I don't' want to go "potty" whatever the hell that means...Seriously I'm busy!...Cheez? Did you say Cheez? Well I supose I could...

Until next time. Daddy is demanding I sit before he'll give me any cheez. Why do I have to sit? I should be given Cheez because I simply exsist.

Katsu Tonkatsu
Super Genius